I Forgot To Tell You
by AlabamaBound
Summary: Bones has a hard time after the events of Wannabe in the Weeds & A Pain In The Heart. Major spoilers for those two episodes. Just my way that they should have handled the episode. Multi-chapter...Characters are not mine. Rated T for now...
1. A New Kind Of Pain

b_A/N This story has major spoilers for Wannabe In The Weeds & A Pain In The Heart. I've never like the ending. I thought that there were too many holes in it. This is one way it could have been better. I just don't like that they never showed Bones getting emotional. I know she's good at keeping things hidden, but I truly feel she would have shown some kind of emotion._

The pain came in flashes and bursts. Sometimes, it was so intense that it threatened to cripple her. She kept expecting to see him walk in the door to her office and tell her that they had a case. Instead, everyone avoided her. They took all their questions to Cam. Or Angela. Or even Hodgins. Anyone but her. Because, most of the time, she would look at them and answer with a voice filled with something they'd never heard from her. Pain and regret filled her every pore. She remembered every second of the day that Booth was killed like it was yesterday instead of almost a week ago.

The day Booth was shot. She remembered walking into the club and seeing Booth sitting at the little table in the corner. He seemed to sense her presence when she walked into the club. He had turned around and smiled at her brightly.

She remembers talking to him. She remembers singing. She remembers dancing. She remembers it all. Right up until the shot rang out. At first she thought that it was simply a car backfiring. Then she saw a sight that stopped her heart. She knew that was impossible, but seeing Booth fall to the ground literally stopped her in her tracks. She dropped to his side and looked into his eyes. Then, she turned and saw the woman that shot him. Even now, she didn't want to think of the woman's name. She wanted to forget everything about that awful night. However, forgetting was the one thing that she couldn't do. It filled her every waking moment. It also haunted her dreams and was the cause of a thousand nightmares.

She remembers the doctor coming out to tell her and the rest of the squints that Booth was gone. She thought that they were wrong. They had to be wrong. In fact, she kept insisting that they were wrong. She looked at Angela, Hodgins, Zach and Cam. The looks on their faces told her, louder than words ever could. Booth was gone. It was then that her world truly started falling apart.

She never thought that he'd leave her. He'd been the one person that she'd come to depend on. No matter how mad she got at him, he always came back. He was her best friend as well as her partner. It wasn't fair. It should have been her. She wished that it was her. Because then she wouldn't be feeling this incredible pain. She'd never felt anything quite as painful. To some extent, this was worse than when her parents left. She watched him fall to the floor and fade away right before her eyes. She'd begged and pleaded with him to hang on. All to no avail. He'd left her. Just like everyone else in her life. He'd left her. Part of her knew that she was being unreasonable, but part of her was incredibly scared. She was alone once again.

Now, she jumped at every loud noise. Afraid that someone was after her again. Although this time, Booth wasn't there to save her.

She came to work one morning and saw that someone had placed a framed picture of her and Booth together. She read the inscription and nearly lost it. It read, "Forever In Our Hearts."

She threw it in the trash can and stormed out of the building. She couldn't do this. She couldn't work here. At least not now. The pain was still too fresh. There were reminders of him everywhere. She saw him everywhere she looked. She expected him to walk around the corner and into her office. Telling her that it had all been a terrible mistake. That he wasn't really dead. That, somehow, the doctors had it all wrong. Because otherwise, she wasn't sure that she could go on without him.

She drove for what seemed like days. In reality, it was only a few hours. She put her head down on the steering wheel of her car and cried. Cried for Booth. Cried for Parker. Cried for all the victims of crimes yet to be committed and the families that would miss out on their chance for justice because Booth was gone. His killer not only took Booth away from her, but away from the world. He had a family and friends. What did she have? A few precious memories of the years that they spent together. Now, those years seemed too short. She wanted to go back and relive every single second of the time they spent together.

She looked up from the steering wheel and realized where she was. Somehow, she managed to pull up in front of Booth's apartment building. She sat staring at the stone building for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, before she could think about it any further, she grabbed her purse and ran inside. Before her common sense returned and the real Doctor Brennan surfaced once again.

She used her key to let herself into his apartment. She half expected to see him sitting on his couch watching tv, or maybe in the bathroom. Anywhere, but in the morgue. Waiting for his friends and family to say goodbye. She moved to his kitchen and saw a half empty coffee cup sitting on the counter. Almost as if it was waiting for him to return. She had the strongest urge to wash it, but then decided that it didn't feel right. It was too soon to try and get rid of the last reminders of him. She didn't know when it would feel right to clean up. Maybe when the mold started growing. Threatening to overtake the normal balance of cleanliness.

Needing some sort of noise, she turned on the tv. To the all night news channel. She had no intention of watching, but the silence threatened to drive her insane. She turned to head into his bedroom and stopped in her tracks. She heard his voice. Coming from the living room. She turned back and ran into the room. She looked around and her heart fell. There, on the tv, she saw him. The news station was covering his death and they were airing an old interview with Booth. She'd been standing beside him smiling. It was then that it hit her. Seeing the look on her face. Right there in living color, she knew. She was in love with him and always had been. Now, she'd never get to tell him how she felt about him. It was too late.

She wandered into his bedroom and looked around. The room was familiar, but different. She'd never been in this room, but it seemed like Booth was everywhere that she turned. She felt closer to him just standing in this room. It overwhelmed her and she dropped to the floor and started crying. The tears seemed to flow from her eyes. She felt as if her world was being rocked to it's very core. She cried tears of regret and heartache. At the moment, she didn't care if she ever stopped crying. She didn't want to feel better. Booth was gone and her world would never be the same again.

A week after Booth died, Sam Cullen visited her at the Jeffersonian. In his hand, he held a piece of paper. It was the information on Booth's funeral. He walked into her office and was struck by how defeated she looked. He'd known that the partners had been close, but she looked like she'd lost someone near and dear to her. Not just a partner, but a loved one. He wondered if not telling her about the true nature of Booth's "death" was such a good thing after all.

He walked over to her desk and cleared his throat. She looked up and asked, "Director Cullen. I haven't changed my mind about going back out into the field. I only worked with Booth."

Cullen nodded. He had no intention of asking her to work with anyone else. The last agent he'd sent in, to keep up appearances, had come back with a bloody nose. He'd had to keep from laughing at the thought.

He took a deep breath and said, "I'm sure you know that Agent Booth's funeral is next week."

Brennan nodded, "I'm well aware of that fact. I have no plans on attending. Funerals are rituals that I have no intention of taking part in."

Cullen had to resist the urge to come out with a sarcastic reply, "I understand how you feel. However, I must ask one favor from you. Booth wanted you to give his eulogy."

He handed her the paper that he held. She reluctantly took it. Shivering when she saw Booth's handwriting. She had to control the urge to cry. She knew that she should tell him no. He had plenty of other friends that could and would do it, but something inside her said, "I'll do it."

Cullen nodded and walked away. Satisfied that he'd done his job.

Once Cullen was out of view, Brennan fell to the floor and let the tears overtake her once again. She couldn't do this. She knew she wasn't strong enough to do this. However, she also knew that she had to do this. She knew that he would do this for her. She put her head on her legs and let the tears soak her jeans. Crying for everything they'd never gotten to tell each other. Her heart breaking with each tear that came from her eyes. Knowing that there was nothing she could do to change the fact that she loved him, but had never told him. For that she would be eternally sorry.

She knew that her life had ended that day as well. She hated being here without him. He was her best friend. Her partner and possibly the love of her life. Although, she knew now, that she'd waited too long to tell him. He was gone forever and there was nothing she could do to ever bring him back. She was lost without him. Part of her wished that she had died right along with him. She was practically dead anyway. She had no desire to live in a world without Booth. A life without Booth was just too awful to imagine. So, why did he fill her every thought? She knew that she had to move on, but she didn't know how that was possible. How did she grow a new heart? It wasn't possible, but that was the only way she knew to eliminate her pain.....


	2. His Squint Squad

**_~~A/N~~ Thanks for all the kind reviews. I appreciate each and every one of them. _**

**_Here's the next chapter. Enjoy!!_**

She sat at her computer for the longest time. Trying to compose her final goodbye, to her partner and friend. She finally managed to come up with something.

The morning of the funeral arrived like any other. She had hoped that the sky would be cloudy and dark. However, the sight that greeted her was enough to break her heart. The sun shined brightly and she even heard the birds singing outside her window. Would her nightmare never end? Would she be forced to smile when she felt like dying herself? She imagined that she would be. She would get through this the best that she could, one step at a time. No matter how much it killed her to do it.

She took a deep breath and climbed into her car. She was meeting the others at the lab. She had her copy of Booth's eulogy in her purse. She only hoped that she had the strength to get through it without breaking down completely. This was the single hardest thing that she'd ever done. She just had to get through the next few minutes without completely losing her heart.

They stood in the cemetery next to Booth's casket. She could hardly look at the shiny wooden box that held the man that had been her partner for the last three years. She felt as if all the air had been removed from her body. The grief that she felt at the moment was almost more than she could stand. She wished that the ground would open up and swallow her. She saw the honor guard standing watch. Everything seemed so perfect. It would have been. For anyone other than Booth, he didn't belong here. Not yet. She had so many things that she'd wanted to tell him.

The minister said a few words and then turned to her and nodded. She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. She knew that this was her moment. The only moment that she would have to truly say goodbye to him.

She looked out at his family and their friends, people that were special to him and to her too.

"How do we say goodbye to someone so special? Someone that makes the room brighter by simply existing. Someone that seems to always see the good in everyone else. Seeley Booth made my life and my world a better place. He gave me friendship. He took me outside the lab. Made me see that there was more to life than bones and death. He became someone that I could confide in. Most importantly, he gave me a family. He taught me that it's okay to love again. I'd forgotten how it felt to love another person with everything you have. He took a bullet that was meant for me. I know that he died a hero, but I miss him. I wish…"

It was at this point in the speech that she started tearing up. She had to close her eyes and take a deep breath. She felt her emotions bubbling to the surface. Threatening to swallow her whole, she was finally able to continue, "I wish he was here with us now. I know that Booth used to tell me that funerals were a way for a person's loved ones to say goodbye. What if they aren't ready to say goodbye? What if the time that they had with them wasn't nearly enough? What if they forgot to tell him how much they loved him? How special he was to them? Booth wasn't only my best friend he was, quite possibly, the love of my life. I finally realized that I loved him. More than a partner and much more than a friend should. He was taken from us way too soon. He was an honorable man and the best partner I could have asked for. Even though I know it's impossible, he will live in our hearts and our memories forever."

She looked out at their friends and through her tears she said, "He came into our lives unexpectedly. He gave us a true purpose. Beyond identifying five hundred year old bodies, he showed us what it was like to have a greater purpose in life. He made us a family. He made us who we are today. He once called us, The Squint Squad. At one time, it would have made me angry. However, I think the nickname fits. He was our leader. He was the first person to believe in what we did. He fought for us. Sometimes, sacrificing his career to fight for us, his "Squint Squad."

Her tears once again threatened to spill out of her eyes. She had to bite her bottom lip. She bit it a bit harder than necessary. A small sob escaped her throat. It was then that the floodgates opened up. She felt the tears flow down her cheeks, but she didn't wipe them away. It felt good to show her emotions in front of their friends. She knew that they'd come to think of her as a cold fish because she hadn't shown any emotions since Booth died. Nothing could have been further from the truth. She'd always been one to mourn in private.

She swallowed hard and continued once again, "He was a loving father. A dedicated agent and the best partner I could have ever asked for. I for one am honored to have known him. He will be forever missed. I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that we are all better people for having known him. Goodbye Booth. You will never be forgotten."

With that, she walked forward and pressed two fingers to her lips. Kissing them softly before pressing them to the coffin, she blinked hard and walked over and plucked a white rose from the urn and placed it on his casket. She took a deep breath and then walked over to join Angela and the others.

She heard the honor guard behind her. Getting ready for the salute and with each sound the guns made, her heart jumped a bit more. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard once again. Then, before the guns sounded, all hell broke loose.

She heard someone say, "Excuse me."

Then, a man that was walking close to the casket, started reaching for a gun. They knocked the casket over and Angela whispered, "What the hell is going on?"

Zack murmured, "They appear to be fighting."

Brennan was stunned to see that one of the people that were fighting was Booth. Wait a minute, Booth? He was dead. Wasn't he?

She walked over to the casket and grabbed the dummy's fake arm and walked over to the man punching him just as he reached for his gun. She hit him with the arm and threw it down. She stalked over to Booth and he said, "Hey Bones! Nice shot!"

Without a single word to him, she walked over and punched him in the jaw. Then, she whispered, "I hate you, you bastard."

With that, she walked away leaving a stunned Booth rubbing his jaw. Cam and Angela looked at each other in shock and wondered what the hell was going on…..


	3. You Promised Me

**_~~A/N~~ Reviews are love. This chapter was a bit harder to write. I wanted to try and capture how I felt Bones and Booth should have reacted to his "death" I hope I did them a bit of justice. there is more, but I wanted to get this out there. Thanks for reading..._**

Brennan got back to her house and stalked back and forth. She'd never hated anyone as much as she hated Booth at the moment. She hoped that he wasn't going to show up here. Because she knew that if she saw him, she would kill him. Well, maybe not, but part of her wanted to.

She knew one thing she wanted to get to the bottom of his death. She wanted to know why he hadn't trusted her enough to tell her that he wasn't really dead. He was her best friend after all and best friends trusted each other. Didn't they? Maybe in Booth's world, only the special people were privy to that information. Maybe, just maybe, he didn't give a damn about her.

It was sometime during her thinking, that she heard someone pounding on her door. She sighed and went to answer the door. She sighed when she opened it and whispered, "What do you want Booth?"

Booth looked like he wanted to say a million things, but she knew that nothing he said would mean a thing to her. Finally, he asked, "Can I come in?"

She wanted to say no, but something stopped her. Maybe it was the way he looked at her. Maybe it was the way her heart sped up simply by looking at him. Maybe it was none of these things. Maybe she realized that she simply missed her best friend. Whatever it was, it stopped her from slamming the door in his face. She stepped aside and let him in her apartment closing it behind him.

She put her arms across her chest and asked, "What do you want Booth?"

"I want to explain. I need to explain. I need to know why you weren't told. You looked so sad back at the cemetery. I…"

"I wasn't sad. I was trying to…"

She broke down then. She knew then that she was glad that he was back. Glad that he wasn't dead. Glad that maybe, just maybe she'd had another chance to make him love her. She shook her head. What in the world was she thinking? She didn't love him. She didn't need him. She had to make him realize that. Although, she knew that she had to make herself believe it first.

"I just want to know one thing Booth."

"Anything, anything at all."

"Why wasn't I told? There had to be a reason."

"I don't know why you weren't told Bones, but I'm going to find out why."

"You don't have to."

"I know I don't have too, but I want to. I want to know who's responsible for keeping it from you. You're my best friend Bones, as well as my partner. You're one of the most important people in my life. I…"

He stopped when he saw the look on her face. He could tell that she didn't quite believe him. She turned away from him then, because she had to ask him something and didn't really want to see his face when he answered, "Tell me what happened?"

He knew what she was wanting. What she was asking from him. He walked over to her couch and sat down. He'd tell her everything. It was the least that he could do. He looked her in the eyes and whispered, "The last thing I remembered was being shot and seeing your face. Then, everything got kind of fuzzy. At least until I woke up in the hospital. Cullen was there as well as a few other high ranked people in the Bureau."

"I remember seeing him. Briefly."

He nodded, "Well, they decided that they were going to fake my death. I'd had a case a few years before I met you. He was a nasty ass of a man. He was a serial killer. He'd killed five women in the span of two years. I never could get enough evidence to arrest him. Until he got sloppy and we finally got the one piece of evidence that we needed to arrest him. However, he ran before we could arrest him."

"What happened?"

"He had someone on the inside. He paid him off. We found out afterwards. He sent me a message saying that he wouldn't stop killing and that I would never catch him and that he would dance at my funeral."

"So the Bureau used your shooting to their advantage."

He nodded slowly, "But you weren't supposed to be hurt by it. You were supposed to know. I only gave them five names. Yours was at the top. I swear Bones. You've got to believe me. I never meant you to be hurt by this."

She looked at him sadly and whispered, "I was. Terribly. I was devastated that you were gone. I'd lost the most important person in my life. I.."

It was then that she shut down. This wasn't who she was. She didn't tell anyone her feelings. Especially not Booth. She looked at him and whispered, "Please leave now."

"Bones, I…"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's over. You're back and that's all that I need to know."

Booth looked at her and whispered, "I thought about you every day."

"Apparently not enough to call me and let me know that you were okay."

"Bones, I…"

"Just leave. I can't do this anymore Booth. It hurts too much. I wasn't important enough for you to trust with your secret. It's the same old story. Everyone in my life hurts me. I should be used to it by now, but you told me you wouldn't hurt me. You promised me that and I believed you."

With that, she pushed him to the door and out of her apartment. She closed the door and cried for the first time that day. She still loved him and always would. However, it was best if she kept her heart safe. She needed him, but didn't know if she could love him. Love just hurt too much. People that she loved always found a way to hurt her. She never thought that Booth would find a way to hurt her this much.

She fell asleep on the floor that night. Her tears falling on the floor as she cried herself to sleep.

Booth walked into the Hoover building that morning and walked straight to Cullen's office. He didn't stop to chat with anyone. He was a man on a mission. He opened the door and asked, "Who decided that Bones didn't need to know about the mission?"

Cullen looked at him and said, "That would be Doctor Sweets. He thought that she could handle your death."

"Well guess what? She did, but now she thinks that I'm just like everyone else in her life that loves her. They leave her. She was abandoned by her parents. Then her brother and me, I'm just the latest in the long line of people that have let her down."

"She's not your wife or even your girlfriend. I don't see what the big deal is."

"She's my best friend and my partner. I..."

"She'll get over it. She's a big girl."

Booth had never wanted to hit anyone more than he wanted to hit his boss at that moment. If he didn't want this job, he would have. So, he just said, "Fine."

Then he stalked out of Cullen's office and headed to find Sweets. That man had some questions to answer and he wasn't leaving until he answered every single one of them.


	4. I'm Sorry Bones

**~~A/N~~ Sorry for the delay in the update. I've had a terrible cold and have lacked in the creativity department. I hope you enjoy and remember, reviews are love and much appreciated!!!**

Lance Sweets had learned a few things in his short time observing Agent Booth and his partner. One of those things was that Booth was extremely protective of his partner. Another thing was that Seeley Booth was not above putting him in his place. He'd pushed and prodded them to admit their feelings for one another and he would not be intimidated. Lance tried to act brave in front of the older man, but he never knew if or when Booth was going to strike. He was afraid that one day, the agent would serve him his teeth on a silver platter.

He'd thought that day had come today. Especially when he saw the look on Booth's face as he walked in his office. He knew he was in trouble when the first words out of his mouth were, "Why didn't you tell Bones that I wasn't really dead?"

It wasn't the question that scared Sweets, but the deadly calm manner in which it was asked. He would've expected anger from the man. He knew that his rage was simmering beneath the surface. He knew that he didn't want to be anywhere near him when he decided to release it.

"Agent Booth, you have to understand that I knew that Doctor Brennan could handle your "death". It wasn't meant to hurt anyone."

"It wasn't meant to hurt anyone Sweets? You're kidding me right? Do you realize how much it hurt her? She thinks that I betrayed her, that I didn't trust her enough to tell her that I wasn't really dead. I promised her that I wouldn't betray her and that's exactly what I did. I'm no better than her family. I wouldn't blame her if she never forgave me."

Sweets looked at Booth and said, "It wasn't your fault."

"I know that and you know that, but Bones doesn't see it that way."

"I'll talk to her. It's the least I can do."

Booth wanted to say a million things in response to that statement. However, he knew that he couldn't say anything because his anger would get the better of him and he would end up hitting the younger man.

Booth drove over to Brennan's apartment and sighed as he looked at the building. A thousand thoughts went through his head. A thousand things that he wanted to say and a thousand things that he needed to let her know. None of them seemed right though. How do you tell your best friend and partner that you're sorry for letting her down? Sorry for taking all the trust she had in you and throwing it in the trash like it was something unimportant. There were no words to take back the hurt, but maybe he could make it better and they could be better.

He knocked softly on the door and waited for her to unlatch the door. She opened it, but looked tired as she whispered, "What do you want now Booth?"

"I need to talk to you. To explain what happened." _To tell you how sorry I am. Tell you that I shouldn't have believed them when they said that they were going to tell you. I love you and should have been the one to tell you myself. If I hadn't been so scared._

He expected her to slam the door shut and was surprised when she moved aside and let him in. She looked sad. She looked defeated. He hated himself at that moment because he knew that he was responsible for putting that look on her face.

"I'm sorry Bones. Sweets, was supposed to tell you. He decided that you could handle the deception. He.."

She shrugged sadly, "You still should have told me. I'm your partner and I thought we were friends."

"We are. I'm sorry Bones. I promise you one thing."

"What?"

"This will never happen again. If they ever decide to fake my death you're going to be the first person on my list. You were the first on this list. I'll call you personally to tell you. Even if they decide to fire me."

She smiled at his words. She knew that he was serious. This whole episode had taught them both a big lesson. Sweets could not be trusted. She for one would never trust him again. Right now, she needed to talk with Booth about her feelings for him. She didn't want to waste another day. She needed to make him realize that he was important to her. Even if she lost his friendship forever.

"I need to tell you something. Something that I forgot to tell you before. Something important."

"Okay. I'm listening."

"Well, the thing is and realized that some things need to be said. No matter how impossible they might seem at the time."

"Okay."

"Well, Angela agreed that I should tell you."

"She did."

"What did she agree to?"

"She agreed that I should tell you something that I was too scared to say before."

Booth just looked at her. She was babbling and she knew it. She finally closed her eyes and whispered, "I forgot to tell you that I love you."

There, she said it. The room was so silent that you could have heard a pin drop. She waited for him to say something to her. Each moment of silence was worse than the last. She wondered if she'd made a mistake and suddenly wished that she could take the words back and relive the past few moments of time…..


End file.
